Patiently Waiting: Cracks

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Cracks

The funniest thing the other day: We were over at some friends' house and their 5 year old was talking with me. Her mom told her, "Becca has a baby in her bellly." The little girl then took my hand and asked me if we could take it out right now. Her mom and I laughed and told her the baby wasn't ready yet. Then her mom said, "her belly has to get much bigger. Remember when my belly was really big?" (She has two younger siblings). The little girl thought for a minute, then ask me, "do you have cracks?" Not sure what she meant I asked a her to explain. She proceeded to comment about her mommy's "cracks" on her belly. Her mom and I both were amused as we realized she was referring to her mom's strectch marks!

Oh joy...well I don't have any "cracks" yet, but I imagine there is still plenty of time for them to come. :)

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Patience

When I was growing up, God always seemed to find ways in which He was trying to teach me patience. Just when I think I had mastered the virtue I toppled down hill back to wondering, "I thought I'd figured out patience a long time ago." I guess not, because patience is something that I long to have, yet always seem to be striving for. I think it's His way of making sure I don't forget Him, pretty good strategy if you ask me.

Patience continues to be a virture I strive towards, ultimately knowing I will never fully attain it, but that I will be exposed to pieces of it. My patience continues to be tested, more specifically over the past year or so, wondering, praying, when is it my turn, will it ever be my turn to be a parent. Most recently I struggled with this question. On October 21, 2009 I was flying to Spokane to spend time with my family when I journaled about my wanting to be a parent and trying to avoid the idea that my time is not always His timing. After just over a year of trying to conceive, patience seems to become blinded by frustration, saddness and even a little anger. I expressed these feeling in my journal, yet still found the voice inside of me to be patient. The next morning after dropping my nephew off at daycare, my patience was rewarded. Not just one, but two pregnancy tests came back with a + sign. I was ellated, and thosands of miles and an entire week away from my husband.

I like to express myself through writing and words so I've decided to write my thoughts down and share them with other. This blog is primarily for me, to share my journey through pregnancy, that I ohh so patiently waited and prayed for.