Patiently Waiting: Childcare Woes...

Friday, April 9, 2010

Childcare Woes...

I have purposely been putting off seeking the right childcare center. Actually, I haven't totally been putting it off, I have looked up locations, and a few weeks ago had actually called one place. It is on my list of things to do and I know I'd much rather do this while I have the energy, but it is also something I am dreading a slight bit. So today I called a few places to get some more info. Then I figured on my lunch break I'd go check the first place out, I was impressed a few weeks agon over the phone. They may be a little pricey, but the price you pay for child care ultimately shouldn't matter (at least that's what I think). I met with a few people, got more information, a registartion packet, a quick tour around the infant room, and even met three of the infant care takers. Everything was a positive experience. I was impressed by the cleanliness, the staff, and their philosophies behind child care (most particularly, infant care), but as I was nearing the door to leave I suddenly felt a wave of emotion come over me. My eyes started watering before I even got to my car! Never did the tears come, but the emotions were all there. Wow, and I haven't even had this baby yet! I can only imagine what that first day will be like when I drop them off...

I cannot complain though, this is not something I am forced in to. I have a very supportive husband who pretty much says it is up to me (about working versus not working), plus I have a job who is willing to be more than flexible (who else can work mostly from home with the exception of 2 days in the office?). But am I ready? What is the best choice? For baby? For me? For my husband (I have to think of him here too, because I will care emotions home which ever way I choose).

What it really comes down to...I'm scared. I'm scared of staying home 24/7 with a child. Those 2 days in the office could be my saving grace. But perhaps they might also be miserable. I am blessed to have options, other people don't always get to choose. I suppose either choice will be a good choice, as long as I continue to give it up to the Lord. Ahh...free will...hate it / love it!

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Patience

When I was growing up, God always seemed to find ways in which He was trying to teach me patience. Just when I think I had mastered the virtue I toppled down hill back to wondering, "I thought I'd figured out patience a long time ago." I guess not, because patience is something that I long to have, yet always seem to be striving for. I think it's His way of making sure I don't forget Him, pretty good strategy if you ask me.

Patience continues to be a virture I strive towards, ultimately knowing I will never fully attain it, but that I will be exposed to pieces of it. My patience continues to be tested, more specifically over the past year or so, wondering, praying, when is it my turn, will it ever be my turn to be a parent. Most recently I struggled with this question. On October 21, 2009 I was flying to Spokane to spend time with my family when I journaled about my wanting to be a parent and trying to avoid the idea that my time is not always His timing. After just over a year of trying to conceive, patience seems to become blinded by frustration, saddness and even a little anger. I expressed these feeling in my journal, yet still found the voice inside of me to be patient. The next morning after dropping my nephew off at daycare, my patience was rewarded. Not just one, but two pregnancy tests came back with a + sign. I was ellated, and thosands of miles and an entire week away from my husband.

I like to express myself through writing and words so I've decided to write my thoughts down and share them with other. This blog is primarily for me, to share my journey through pregnancy, that I ohh so patiently waited and prayed for.